Let’s Disengage from Comfortable Foolishness

If you are anything like me, then you can relate to comfortable foolishness. What is that? You ask. It’s just as it looks. It’s the foolishness in your life, that often stands in your way, distracts you, minimizes your spirit and draws you away from your purpose…yet you comfortably allow it. It involves hanging on to people, places and things that no longer serve you. Things that are a hindrance but are familiar.

Comfortable foolishness will not get you where you need to go. It will not bring favor or growth to your life. It will thoroughly disturb your peace.

This year, I realized that most of my life has been a miasma of comfortable foolishness. And I’ve grown just enough to be able to step back, identify it and dissect myriad reasons I allowed it.

Some of the foolishness I engaged in was because I didn’t know any better. For example, growing up I did not have any married role models and my primary mindset towards men were that they were, in some way, shape or form, out to get me. So with these two scenarios shaping my reality, it should come as no surprise that every relationship I had utterly failed and left scarring damage.

A more recent reason for me to engage in comfortable foolishness was out of fear. For example, when my purpose started to become crystal clear and the weight of its responsibility had me uttering the heaviest sighs imaginable at the thought of it, I often times found myself running to the nearest distraction, which was mostly men and trying to fix other people's problems. This allowed me to have unnecessary nonsense to focus on as opposed to what the Lord had set before me.

When I engaged myself in things that were absolutely beneath me on some level, I wore myself out trying to breathe life into something that was slowly trying to kill my spirit. My Pastor, Bishop J. L’Keith Jones, had a very good metaphor. He said that there were some of us that God had called to deep waters, but we insist on trying to dive into the shallow end of the pond. The shallow end appears safe, harmless and comfortable; however when you try to do too much in that area of water, you find yourself hitting your head on rocks, tangled up in seaweed and refusing to grow and live on the faith that one must have to navigate the deep.

For some, the shallow end is as far as their journey will allow. But if you are reading this there is a great chance that your journey will involve more than a simple doggy paddle or a treading of water or even floating on your back.

Life is a challenge for you because it is strengthening you. The path you are on has enough obstacles in and of itself. 

Moral of the Story:

Let go of what is comfortable but hindering your growth
…you can be comfortable or outstanding
......but you can’t be both. @bda

ROADMAP FOR MY 44th YEAR

What a month it’s been! I’m so thankful for the many lessons and blessings that this month produced. I am officially 44 years young and have removed enough trash from myself to fully live my best life. One of the things that has kept playing over and over in my brain is that there are more than 7 billion people on this earth, so I am not obligated to put up with less than I deserve; instead I will enjoy ME on MY time, continue to heal and grow and walk in my purpose and when it is time for me to have a HIM, I will know. He won’t be sleazy, shallow, unemployed, uneducated, hard to look at or difficult to deal with. 

I must always remember: I AM BEAUTIFUL AND KIND AND I HAVE OPTIONS!

I am thankful for my QUEENDOM (eff a tribe!). We are all daughters of the Most High God, therefore we ALL have the authority to speak life and help each other grow.

In addition to the many other gifts and callings You have so generously doled out to me, the one I am currently coming to terms with is that of healer. I hate to say it, but my mom was right; most of the Negros I brought home were supposed to be my patients. And because of the brokenness in me, I accepted all patients, regardless if they could emotionally “afford” me. And while I have verifiable proof that most of them got what they came for, they also walked away with a different type of wound, care of yours truly.

For more than 40 years I have been at war with myself. Despite the fact I was raised in a middle-class home, was decent to look at, was intelligent and educated and above all Saved. I was my own worst enemy, punching the air trying to fight myself. Unfortunately, several people got in the way of my battle and got assaulted, abused and cast down, without me taking accountability for my actions.

Stepping into this 44^th year, I am wiser. Not with street smarts or another degree, but with a knowledge of self that only life could provide. I remember who I used to be vividly. And if I ever forget, there are a plethora of people (probably standing in line) to remind me. I no longer relate to the past me. Why? Because she was made up of other people’s issues, bore scars from pain she didn’t deserve. She thought she was living, but in reality she was in survivor mode. Her loins were covered in manipulation and she had a breastplate of control. Her feet were fast and eager to run at the first sign of turbulence or minor inconvenience. She had no shield. She wore masks in the hope that no one would see her, when in reality it was she who couldn’t see herself.

I cried for her a lot this month; out of grief, out of anger, out of sadness and depression.

This year, I intend to seize every opportunity that will benefit who I am becoming and be rewarding to my soul. I will dwell in places where I am celebrated and eagerly look for reasons to celebrate those I purposefully encounter.

I will say “yes” when I want to. When I choose to and when God guides me. I will say “no” if I sense guilt, fear or that the need to please someone (despite how I feel) is my reason for doing something.

My daily affirmations will go something like this:

I love me unconditionally, flaws and all. I am excited about my growth and look forward to blossoming each day and making it better than the day before. I am obligated to no one. I am free, healed, delivered and set free. I am royalty in the eyes of God, and I will carry myself as a Princess with the spirit of a servant. My relationships with friends and others will be mutually beneficial or not a friendship at all. I am valuable, authentic, one of a kind and a blessing.

And just in being comfortable within myself, I will be a blessing to others.

I fully anticipate this year being my best year yet!

Obtaining Peace with No Closure

Closure is a cotton-pickin’ myth when your emotional assailants don’t want to take accountability for the part they played. I have no problem sitting down like adults to discuss child-like issues that I have encountered with others. I can sit quietly while the other party gets out all of their aggression, all the words they need to say, the yelling that may make them feel better. I can sit still for all of it.

When it came to getting closure in my most recent relationships, I kept hearing Matthew 7:5, “You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” This was pivotal for me because in the past, I could only see what others had done wrong. But as I research, self-analyze and above all PRAY, it has come to my attention that I had some toxic traits too. I take pride in the strong black woman that I have become, who can identify the beam, be fed up with its position and how much detriment it adds to my everyday wellness and take that heavy beam out and cry on my own shoulder underneath its weight.

Let me say this; there is nobody walking this earth who is able to outdo me in pointing out my flaws. And I’m woman enough and responsible enough to let you have your punching bag moment and kick me while I have already admitted defeat.

But baaaaaby! Let us be clear. Neither one of us was perfect. And if I see you taking too much pleasure in calling out my bad and not enough energy invested in taking responsibility for your lack of good, well then at that point it’s not defense mechanisms that you’ll get. But rather a healthy dose of reality sealed with a goodbye (forever) kiss.

This is what you need to understand. I am not staying in the vicinity of people whose actions no longer serve me. I have made up my mind on who I want to be and if your presence doesn’t align with that vision, then your absence will have to do.

I’m not going to keep hugging you as you figuratively (yet continually) pierce me in my side and force feed me your poison. I am going to speak my piece (my peace), observe your response, and then toss you in the hands of our Savior.

You see, even at my worst, Jesus died for me. And if He loves me like that, then how dare I shrink to fit in someone’s box who obviously and clearly gives zero f*cks.

My doormat days have come to a close.

           ..and I promise if you couldn’t stand me then

                 you will absolutely hate me now. 

                       (And I am okay with that)

Brandee 4.4 - Let the Newness and Peace Begin

I am so thankful to be alive to see my 44^th birthday! Life, even though hard at times, is better now than I could have ever imagined. I cannot believe I had the audacity to try and kill myself a few times. Yet I am extremely thankful to be in a place mentally where suicide is nowhere in my thought process.

I am so thankful to be alive to see my 44^th birthday! 4 is my all-time favorite number so the fact that I am 44 years old now means a heck of a lot to me. I did some research on the Biblical significance of these numbers and found out that the period between Jesus' crucifixion and his ascension was 44 days.

The number 4 derives its meaning from creation because on the fourth day of what is called 'creation week' God completed the material universe. On this day He brought into existence our sun, moon, and all the stars (Genesis 1:14 - 19) whose purpose was to give off light. 

It is so awesome that for 2019 God took me through the process of getting rid of all the grime and dirt that had absolutely NOTHING to do with me, in an effort to clean me up and allow me to really become the woman, the servant, the mother, the BEING that He intended for me to be.  I've never felt freer, more alive, more aware and more authentic. I look forward to this journey of self-discovery and am thankful that it has been confirmed within the meaning of the number 4. Here is what I mean:

On the 4th day God completed the material / physical universe. The spiritual realm was already in order, and then the physical had to be completed. On a personal level I can relate to this because I am strong and confident and whole in the Spirit. This was the first year ever where I navigated solely on faith. TRANSLATION: EVERY FRIGGIN DECISION quickly and suddenly worked for my good and to the glory of God. My faith muscles got the workout of a lifetime this year and now it’s time to move in confidence within this skin and this reality I find myself in. I have the freedom (and a tad bit of wisdom) to learn from the things and people and situations around me, whatever that may look like, whatever it may entail.

On the 4th day the light-bearing entities; sun, moon and stars were spoken into existence. It's no coincidence that for this 44^th year I’ve been putting “aspiring beam of light” as my soul’s occupation. My expectation is for the Lord to make me lighter and brighter, so I can shine for His glory.

This is also the first year, at least since I was a wee tyke, where I am not focused on relationships or romantic love. My heart's desire is to get back to ministry and I'm allowing my Lord to have me all to Himself so that this aspiring beam of light can shine without blockage, interference, distractions or shadows.

I am so thankful to be alive to see my 44^th birthday! I am both a work in progress and masterpiece doing her best to MASTER PEACE. For my 44^th year this is what I decree:

The "Future" Prayer

Lord, if he is not what You want me to have.. Take him.
If he was only here for a season... Take him.
(Does the fact that I'm even writing this mean I want You to...Take him?)
I've been loved before to no avail... Take him.
I gotta admit I can't do this too much longer...Take him.
If he's not going to complement me spiritually....Take him.
If he is not designed to be my peace...Take him.
I love him...
But if You don't love "us"?...Take him.

(I don't know what prayer Ciara prayed to get Russell, but I feel like this is the one she shoulda prayed to get rid of Future.)