ROADMAP FOR MY 44th YEAR

What a month it’s been! I’m so thankful for the many lessons and blessings that this month produced. I am officially 44 years young and have removed enough trash from myself to fully live my best life. One of the things that has kept playing over and over in my brain is that there are more than 7 billion people on this earth, so I am not obligated to put up with less than I deserve; instead I will enjoy ME on MY time, continue to heal and grow and walk in my purpose and when it is time for me to have a HIM, I will know. He won’t be sleazy, shallow, unemployed, uneducated, hard to look at or difficult to deal with. 

I must always remember: I AM BEAUTIFUL AND KIND AND I HAVE OPTIONS!

I am thankful for my QUEENDOM (eff a tribe!). We are all daughters of the Most High God, therefore we ALL have the authority to speak life and help each other grow.

In addition to the many other gifts and callings You have so generously doled out to me, the one I am currently coming to terms with is that of healer. I hate to say it, but my mom was right; most of the Negros I brought home were supposed to be my patients. And because of the brokenness in me, I accepted all patients, regardless if they could emotionally “afford” me. And while I have verifiable proof that most of them got what they came for, they also walked away with a different type of wound, care of yours truly.

For more than 40 years I have been at war with myself. Despite the fact I was raised in a middle-class home, was decent to look at, was intelligent and educated and above all Saved. I was my own worst enemy, punching the air trying to fight myself. Unfortunately, several people got in the way of my battle and got assaulted, abused and cast down, without me taking accountability for my actions.

Stepping into this 44^th year, I am wiser. Not with street smarts or another degree, but with a knowledge of self that only life could provide. I remember who I used to be vividly. And if I ever forget, there are a plethora of people (probably standing in line) to remind me. I no longer relate to the past me. Why? Because she was made up of other people’s issues, bore scars from pain she didn’t deserve. She thought she was living, but in reality she was in survivor mode. Her loins were covered in manipulation and she had a breastplate of control. Her feet were fast and eager to run at the first sign of turbulence or minor inconvenience. She had no shield. She wore masks in the hope that no one would see her, when in reality it was she who couldn’t see herself.

I cried for her a lot this month; out of grief, out of anger, out of sadness and depression.

This year, I intend to seize every opportunity that will benefit who I am becoming and be rewarding to my soul. I will dwell in places where I am celebrated and eagerly look for reasons to celebrate those I purposefully encounter.

I will say “yes” when I want to. When I choose to and when God guides me. I will say “no” if I sense guilt, fear or that the need to please someone (despite how I feel) is my reason for doing something.

My daily affirmations will go something like this:

I love me unconditionally, flaws and all. I am excited about my growth and look forward to blossoming each day and making it better than the day before. I am obligated to no one. I am free, healed, delivered and set free. I am royalty in the eyes of God, and I will carry myself as a Princess with the spirit of a servant. My relationships with friends and others will be mutually beneficial or not a friendship at all. I am valuable, authentic, one of a kind and a blessing.

And just in being comfortable within myself, I will be a blessing to others.

I fully anticipate this year being my best year yet!