Final Plea for 2009

2009 was the year of judgment. A year when we were numerically admonished to make serious judgment calls within our lives. This was a year to take the magnifying glass of self reflection and examine friendships, relationships, business choices, career, financial matters, residency, and other pertinent areas of our lives. 

Imagine yourself as a judge; black robe, gavel and all. And envision your job (you know, the one you hate going to?) standing before you, pleading its case as to why you should stay. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Or is the only pro a steady paycheck? Is this job growing you as a person? Or is it stifling your spirit? If the majority of the questions you ask of your job result in an overtly negative response, it’s time to come to grips with the fact that the gavel has already been banged and it’s been found guilty.

But as judge of your own situation, final sentencing rests in your hands. You can allow justice to continue to be perverted in your life, and give it a slap on the wrist sentence in spite of its guilt (i.e. investing another 9 years of your life working there). Or you can throw the book at it and quit tomorrow (which might be considered a harsh and irrational sentencing). The key thing to remember: the choice is yours. You and God alone are the judge AND jury. It’s not so much about making the “right” choice or the “wrong” choice. What seems to be the right decision today can become one of the worst decisions you ever made when you look back on it 10 years from now. But God honors our free will. He allows us the freedom to make choices, and then manages our decision through His grace and mercy. So that even when we make “dumb” decisions, more often than not we come out unscathed, unharmed, wiser and bubbling with a testimony we can share to help others. 

Now some judgment calls will be pretty cut and dry. Or they should be at least. If you’re questioning whether or not to stay involved with your married lover or if you should stop stealing from the job you hate before you get caught, let me help you with that one. Any situation that does not align with the Word of God won’t prosper and will only bring about confusion. The longer you take to call a spade a spade is the more time you spend stuck in that situation, further diverting your attention away from your own greatness. The hardest of the judgments to make, in my opinion, is that of friendships and close relationships. Co-dependency, past history and feelings of indebtedness oftentimes prevent us from seeing people as they truly are. Our misguided heart doesn’t want to accept the fact that, in order to go to the next level, we must leave some people behind. It might be a manipulative parent, it could be an obsessively negative pal, it could be the significant other who takes you for granted, or the dream killer who never supports anything you do. And although toxic relationships are a hindrance, how do you tell your dad or best friend since childhood to basically, “kick rocks?”

The answer: you don’t.

What I’ve learned in my ___ years of life is that spewing off at the mouth to someone about how much they suck is hardly ever beneficial. It’s not your job to judge the person, but it is your responsibility to judge how the person is impacting your life.

Instead of seeing yourself as the judge now, see yourself as a lawyer. Put this “friend” or “relative” on trial and see if the evidence proves he is really an asset to your life. Don’t give in to the fallacy of history; believing that since they “used to be” pro-you, you still owe them your friendship. Maybe they cleaned up your puke that time you got drunk and hurled on yourself when you turned 21. Or when you were facing eviction, they let you crash on their couch. Or 3 years ago you two had a baby together. While all of these accomplishments got kudos at the time, the fact remains that those were your glory days and they really haven’t done anything noteworthy since.

True, God blessed you to have a baby via this woman, but if she’s not who you plan to spend the rest of your life with, why continue to have sex with her? And yes, they may have cleaned up your puke so long ago, but ever since then their actions toward you have made you feel like you want to vomit. Think about it like this: if the peach tree in your backyard only bore fruit for 2 years and then stopped, how good of a peach tree would it be? What if you sold peaches and your livelihood depended on this tree? Would you let it remain because of sentimental value? Or would you cut it down and make way for new peach trees?

The beautiful thing about this whole friendship judgment process is that the hardest part is simply admitting to yourself that you need to cut them loose. Once you have come to grips with that decision, simply begin to distance yourself from them. No need to make a grand announcement that you and this person are no longer cool. No need to post blogs on facebook and myspace declaring your independence from (or hatred of) this person. By simply backing off from you and this person’s usual routine, they’ll get the hint. Worst case scenario, they’ll confront you as to why you are acting unfamiliar. Best case scenario, they won’t even notice the change in you until you have fully accepted the change yourself. 

Whatever the case, it is not too late to make 2009 more than a lukewarm year. Choose wisely the situations and people you plan to roll with.

Although our lives have already been written, it is up to us to turn the pages.

The key thing to remember: the choice is yours. 

...And you deserve what you accept.

NEVER AGAIN IN 2010!