Imagine ME Speechless...!

(written July 25,2009 and still trying to figure out the answer)

The hypothetical:

If I knew that someone I loved would die if they continued to eat the wrong foods, I would do everything in my power to ensure that they switched over to a healthy lifestyle. Even though I once was obese, and fully understand how hard it is to give up eating what you love to eat what is healthy, I would go out of my way to make sure they ate healthy. Buy them food, cook it for them, even handcuff them to the bed, put a lock on the refrigerator, duct tape their mouth shut if necessary. It's senseless to see someone die simply because they want to eat any old kind of way. And yes, I would go FULL-THROTTLE to ensure their longevity on earth by any means necessary.

The analogous question:

If I knew someone would go to Hell if they continued to live unsaved, would I do everything in my power to ensure that they switched over to a saved lifestyle? Even though I too have been unsaved? Even though I too have backslidden, and FULLY understand how hard it is to give up doing the things that bring (momentary) pleasure, comfort...Would I go out of my way to make sure they lived saved? Would I go out of my way to make sure they at least were given the choice to do so? Would I equip them with the knowledge to make that choice? What urgency is there in me to do so?

These were the questions posed to me today...

Questions to which, I don't know how to answer...

Freedom...Re-Imagined

(written May 5, 2009)

I spent 9 long, fun-filled years at the same place of employment. While I wasn't happy there, I was definitely comfortable. There were a lot of worse places to work. I counted my blessings amid gritted teeth.

Several times I tried to make an exit. The final time I tried, Holy Spirit told me "stay". That was 7 years ago. Fast forward to April 21, 2009. I blatantly was given the go ahead to go, so I went. In shock I tried to wrap my head around what just happened and what should happen next. I felt like a 9 year relationship had been ended, and that I wasn't the one who did the dumping although I was the one who was miserable. Once I got over that, however, I realized that I had been set free.

The first and second week I felt like a newly freed slave. I had cried to massah for freedom but now that I had it I was crying and wishing I could be back under massah's care. With massah I KNEW what I was up against. I had been with Massah long enough to know what I could and couldn't do and WHEN I would be compensated. Knowing full well that I could expect compensation on the 15th and the 1st of each month gave me a peace of mind. And it was that, I realized, that was bothering me the most.

The next week I sought God's face for clarification on how to process what was happening. And bit by bit He began showing me that it wasn't being apart from Massah that had me riled up, but shifting my thinking to accept a new paradigm. If all of my needs are met by God anyway, Massah was merely a catalyst to my needs being met. I had to ask myself... did I really NEED massah or had I just gotten comfortable in believing massah had my back? Was I Massah's child or was I GOD'S child? Was I up for a faith walk or did I prefer massah's shackles?

Thus begins the installation of my present season of life. The newest chapter to the book called ME. Exit lowly cog in a wheel. Be gone little sheep among many. I have been fully awakened from the mindless 9-5 sleepwalk.

Say hello to the Reluctant Entrepreneur.

Rest and success never share the same bed...

(written January 8, 2009)

I heard Puffy say once that he sleeps about a couple hours a day. I understand that now...and no, I'm not missing sleep because I'm deranged. He went on to say that you can sleep when you're dead, and I feel that, too. Most of the power moves that I have made recently have happened between 11:00p.m. and 8a.m.

While I don't mind having a 9 to 5 while I'm working to build up StarChild, I have to admit, a whole new mode of operating has opened up to me now that StarChild can be my main business focus.

And what's crazier yet is that I'm the same bland chick who would swear up and DOWN that I NEVER wanted to be a CEO, would NEVER want to run my own business, NEVER wanted that type of responsibility. The same fight I put up with myself on NEVER wanting to get married again was the same fight I waged on owning and running a business. I know, I'm whack. I have to get the word "never" out of my vocabulary. Real talk. Most things I said I would never do, I've done. And honestly? None of them were really that bad....

All of that to say, it's 10ish in the morning and I've been able to check off about 4 things from my StarChild to do list. YAY! As always, when I get finished, I'm going to post up on the chaise....turn on the Boondocks (season 2)...and hope not to fall asleep during one of their edgily funny (not sure edgily is a word but care~) episodes.

I think I told y'all that I have been accused as of late of living in Narnia. By that, my BFF meant that I was living in a fantasy world with some of my actions and thinking. Technically, he's right. I've always felt that my way was the BEST way. Now I leave it up to time to decipher if my actions are to the good or to the bad. Either way, it's done. Lesson learned if my decision sucked - - but serious gain if my decision rocked! I think 2009 is going to be about, not so much making the PERFECT choices, but just CHOOSING to do something and then DOING IT! Stick-to-it-tiveness will be honored this year...knowing when to fold 'em is ALWAYS honored (don't put good money after bad).

Ok, I've rambled enough....BUT I'm STICKING TO my resolution to blog more. So yay! Early morning victory for she who IS the victor!

Loving you and loving me,
B.da (BC)

An exhortation to all my haters...

(written January 11, 2009)

I've never been one to concern myself with "haters". I'm a pretty likable gal...and kind of a big deal in some parts (mainly my house)...so even those who had the inclination to not like me were eventually swayed by my giddy demeanor, candor, and ability to make people just overall feel good.

But lately, as power moves continue to be made on my part, I have been vexed with (trivial) occurrences here and there that have led me to have to blog about those gosh darn haters. On the one hand, it's sad that they have nothing better to do than monitor my movements and try to block them. But then too it's encouraging to know that the moves I'm making are causing some peons to react. That means I'm on people's radar, which in my business, is a great place to be. :)

You know B.da gotta peep it from the spiritual, too. Haters, to me, aint nothing but small tests. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I have tunnel vision when it comes to StarChild and my brand. We call it "single focus" over here in the land of stars. :)

And as things are shifting into high gear for us in StarChild land, the test is to see what element will detract us from our goals? What will it take for YOU (me) to take your eyes off the prize?

I know for me recently it has been sickness. I been in and out the hospital 3 too many times in the past month alone! The first time I went (first week of December) I refused to even THINK about StarChild stuff. But let it be known, as SOON as they said I was being discharged... I was on the cell, delegating, preparing, making things happen so that our year end edition could be our best edition yet! (And it was, thank you very much...lol).

In the movie the Color Purple, you know how Nettie told Celie "nothing but death could keep me from it"? Well yeah, that's how I feel about this vision called StarChild.

So to the "haters", the peons, satan's minions, the buttheads...any and all who subscribe to operation: hate on the StarChild vision... do understand that it's bigger than me. You're gonna have to take a bunch MORE muh ucka's down to sh*t on this plan, SON (said in my best New York accent)! And even then, it STILL won't prosper. StarChild has a secret arsenal of spiritual weaponry that the looks of you have not even FATHOMED!

In closing I leave you with 3 of the sentiments that echo in my mental region at this current time:

1. "Touch not my anointed, and do my prophets no harm." I Chron. 16:22
(and yeah, I AM a prophetess.... now, hate on THAT?!)

2. "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Hab. 2:2

and lastly, a quote that an old friend said to me and that I have held onto ever since the words were written:

3. haters hate greatness

And now that I have waxed poetic about the subject of haters, I end this blog and end giving them place in my psyche.

God is too good all the time and LIFE is too good right now for me to be distracted. And guess what? I won't be. Now run and tell that....

...says bda

"you can roll up in a McLaren and STILL be THIS LITTLE in my life!"


"I hit the scene / n*ggaz duckin' from my guillotine stare / I'm right there / my every word a f*ckin nightmare"
- 2PAC (Makaveli)