A Thankful Dissertation...

When I was little my mother made sure I had it all. I was never wanting, never in lack. I can remember her taking me on shopping sprees to Lord and Taylor and Marshall Field's and I would sit in the car, angry because I WANTED to go to "Jew Town" and shop there. I didn't understand then why I couldn't dress like "everybody else". Shop where "everybody else" was shopping. Of course back then I didn't understand that "everybody else" was shopping there because they had to, not because they wanted to. But I was a kid. I didn't know.

Now that I'm older, however, my heart is lamenting on the fact that I am spoiled. It's not something I choose to be, but it's the way I was raised. I never had to make my bed as a kid, my mom did that. I never had to wash or iron my clothes, my mom did that. Didn't even really know how to cook, outside of a kick a** grilled cheese sandwich, because my mom always hooked me up. Even as an adult when I was living with her after my divorce, she still catered to the kid in me, loving me but at the same time inadvertently handicapping me. She's a good mother though, and this is how she mothers. And I love her for that...

So now at ______ years of age, though I am used to saying thank you at all the right moments, I realize that "thank you" for me, is more of a feeling than a state of being. I'm real enough to admit that though I say thank you for things, I feel a sense of entitlement. So the thank you doesn't come from my heart, but rather from my head. And I'm wise enough to know that there is nothing I can do to change this. To transform this thing about me. People can tune their behavior, but the fixing of iniquity can only be orchestrated by God. The sad part though, is many people are third-eye blind and refuse to see and identify their heart's iniquity. The only way to keep it real is to BE real. And from day one on my journey with Him, that is all I have been able to be. I gave God the worst of me, and vowed to be on the path to the best of me. And He has faithfully allowed me to make mistakes, to fall down, get hurt at times, and cry when necessary.

I used to beat myself up when I fell off the beaten "God-driven" path. But when I saw that I dwelled in God's hand, and that NOTHING could take me from that place, I realized that sometimes being "lost" was more like going to far up God's pinky, or getting kinda close to the thumb. I wasn't in the PALM where I was SUPPOSED to be, but at the end of the day, if I was still in His hand? Then I'm still right where I am supposed to be.

I say all of this to say, there is FREEDOM in Christ. Recognize where you are, but take the time to be real about WHO you are. The things that have gotten you this far THUS far...might just be coming to an end. But the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. If He has created you special, you are SPECIAL for a reason. Seek Him to find out what to do with those blessings that dwell within you.

The year 2010 will bring those in His will to a place of perfect completion. You still got a little bit of time to do some soul searching so that the new year can bring about a new and IMPROVED you!

Be well, be peace, be startastic.
B.da Oso

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get."
- Frank A. Clark